At a Christian in difficulty in his couple

"Husbands, love your wife, as also Christ loved the congregation and gave himself up for it ... So also husbands must love their own wives as their own bodies. For no one has ever hated his own flesh, but he nourishes and cherishes it, as also Christ the assembly ... This mystery is great." Ephesians 5: 25,28,29,32

You had the courage to talk to me about your couple problems. I am no better than you, neither in this nor in any other ; but as a brother in Christ, solicited by you, I will try to suggest some paths, first addressing myself ! Then it will be for you to reflect on it before the Lord. And maybe a sister can suggest a few tracks to your wife ?

The main cause of misunderstandings in a couple is that everyone looks at his suffering and the wrongs of the other. As a result, we can not move forward. I have to reverse this mechanism : to look at MY wrongs and HIS suffering ; ask for forgiveness for MY wrongs and begin to heal His suffering. If everyone does that, it's won. Of course, one must start. It is the dimension of grace - which obviously is contrary to natural mechanisms. But I'm a Christian, so ...

To acknowledge my wrongs is not to lose face. It is, on the contrary, to assume my adult consciousness. I have to get out of the "submission-anger" circle. I must love my wife for her soul more than for her body, even if the two are related. That is to say : even if she became less beautiful, it is she that I should love. Otherwise, I am a slave - and it is not his fault; it's mine.

She needs a husband whose heart is firm, of course. It is the condition of his rest. Otherwise, she will have to seek her rest elsewhere.

Moreover, from the biblical perspective, authority is always linked to the notion of service. Jesus had authority and he came to serve (not to be served). I have to exercise authority in my relationship and my family, not for myself, but for them. For their good. In this I am a servant - in the image of Christ.

Yes, let the Lord show me what is right, that I may do it. Let him show it to you, my brother. And when he showed it to you, do it courageously. He will act. The Lord loves the Church, and loves those who compose it. He loves you both.

Source (To pleasing the Lord)